I am not that person that wanted
to be a Mom and then, BAM, it happened.
I know those people, but I am just not one of them.
I have wanted to be a Mom for as
long as I can remember. I loved playing
house when I was a little girl and I loved taking care of my baby dolls. I loved babysitting in my teen years and I
have just always known that one day, I too would be a Mom.
After Joshua and I bought our
house we began to talk about having children.
Now that we were out of the apartment and had some room, we decided we
were ready. And month after month we
were disappointed. To make matters
worse, I watched as so many around me were getting pregnant. It seemed every week at church someone new was
announcing they were having a baby. I tried so hard not to get
discouraged and I knew our day would one day come.
And finally, after almost a year of trying, we were pregnant. There are no words to describe how happy we were. It was finally our time!
And finally, after almost a year of trying, we were pregnant. There are no words to describe how happy we were. It was finally our time!
However, I soon miscarried.
No words can describe that
hurt. I will forever be thankful for my
Mother in this time. She knew first-hand
the pain I was going through and was there to say just the right words to
me. At one point I had decided that I
was done trying to get pregnant and she said the words that changed things, “Amanda,
you cannot give up. If I had of done
that, I wouldn’t have you.” With tears
running down both our faces, I told her I would not give up. That moment in time with her is so vivid in my mind. I know where we were sitting, what we were doing, I remember the feel of her hug.
I went home that night and told Josh I had changed my mind.
I went home that night and told Josh I had changed my mind.
The second time around, things
were much faster and I became pregnant with Luke quickly. However, that time, I was much more
cautious. I was happy, boy was I happy,
but I was also scared. Scared sick. I have told Luke many times about going to
the doctor and seeing his little heartbeat for the first time. I started crying uncontrollably. That little flicker of a heartbeat let me
know he was alive in there!
And so the scariest nine months
of my life began. There were days I was
happy and days I was scared. With each doctor's visit I had a sigh of relief that he was alive and okay. And on that
Saturday morning on November 13th, when he was born and I heard him
cry, all the pain of getting to that point did not seem so bad. All the pain,
tears, and hard days were well worth it.
I will forever be thankful for my Mother's words to me.
I will forever be thankful for my Mother's words to me.
Each Mother’s day I think of both
of my children, the one who was born into heaven and the one born into my
arms. However, this year, I am also
thinking of our next children. Our children
who are out there somewhere and we are waiting for God to connect our paths.
My Mother's words ring in my ears today as we wait to meet the next little Stewarts -- do not give up.
My Mother's words ring in my ears today as we wait to meet the next little Stewarts -- do not give up.
All Mothers have stories, what is
yours?
Happy Mother’s Day!
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