Thursday, May 10, 2012

My Story


For this up and coming Mother’s Day I thought I would share my story of Motherhood.

I am not that person that wanted to be a Mom and then, BAM, it happened.  I know those people, but I am just not one of them.

I have wanted to be a Mom for as long as I can remember.  I loved playing house when I was a little girl and I loved taking care of my baby dolls.  I loved babysitting in my teen years and I have just always known that one day, I too would be a Mom.

After Joshua and I bought our house we began to talk about having children.  Now that we were out of the apartment and had some room, we decided we were ready.  And month after month we were disappointed.  To make matters worse, I watched as so many around me were getting pregnant.  It seemed every week at church someone new was announcing they were having a baby.  I tried so hard not to get discouraged and I knew our day would one day come.

And finally, after almost a year of trying, we were pregnant.  There are no words to describe how happy we were.  It was finally our time! 

However, I soon miscarried.

No words can describe that hurt.  I will forever be thankful for my Mother in this time.  She knew first-hand the pain I was going through and was there to say just the right words to me.  At one point I had decided that I was done trying to get pregnant and she said the words that changed things, “Amanda, you cannot give up.  If I had of done that, I wouldn’t have you.”  With tears running down both our faces, I told her I would not give up.  That moment in time with her is so vivid in my mind.  I know where we were sitting, what we were doing, I remember the feel of her hug.  

I went home that night and told Josh I had changed my mind. 

The second time around, things were much faster and I became pregnant with Luke quickly.  However, that time, I was much more cautious.  I was happy, boy was I happy, but I was also scared.  Scared sick.  I have told Luke many times about going to the doctor and seeing his little heartbeat for the first time.  I started crying uncontrollably.  That little flicker of a heartbeat let me know he was alive in there! 

And so the scariest nine months of my life began.  There were days I was happy and days I was scared.  With each doctor's visit I had a sigh of relief that he was alive and okay.  And on that Saturday morning on November 13th, when he was born and I heard him cry, all the pain of getting to that point did not seem so bad.  All the pain, tears, and hard days were well worth it.

I will forever be thankful for my Mother's words to me.

Each Mother’s day I think of both of my children, the one who was born into heaven and the one born into my arms.  However, this year, I am also thinking of our next children.  Our children who are out there somewhere and we are waiting for God to connect our paths.

My Mother's words ring in my ears today as we wait to meet the next little Stewarts -- do not give up.

All Mothers have stories, what is yours?

Happy Mother’s Day!

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